Article: Recreational gifts

People will buy you presents for Christmas (unless you’ve managed to so fully devote yourself to work that your former friends and family have forgotten you exist). So there’s no point saying to people when asked what you’d like for Christmas, ‘I don’t want anything thanks’, because if you do you’ll only end up on the receiving end of droll underpants, pointless gadgets, musical ties, grooming products, things for the car and other assorted landfill. So, top tip, provide these kind folk with some guidance.

A Christmas wish list may seem avaricious and publishing one might make one appear slightly sociopathic but not doing so guarantees lots of waste as well as frustration for friends and family. So have a go. Ideally compile one through the year. Add things as they occur to you. Here are some ideas:

• Books
  • Inspirational biographies / autobiographies – what have friends enjoyed?
  • Guide books – fodder for planning and dreaming
  • Maps
  • Technical guides – become more expert without even going outside
• A torch – have you got one for in the car, near the back door, by the electricity consumer unit for when the lights trip… ? There are so many delightful and affordable ones available.
• Memberships / subscriptions
• Travel food – nutritious snacks you enjoy when out and about; delicacies such as biltong or unsalted pistachios with dried cherries
• Fire tools. How fast could you get a cooking fire going after felling your mammoth?
• A tool – what job could be made easier with the right tool?
• Really good socks – these wear out so you’re unlikely to ever have too many.
• Things your friends have that have made you envious. Someone I knew had a small aluminium drinking bottle with an eye that allowed it to be clipped to his climbing harness. This allowed him to have a mouthful of water at the end of each pitch during long, hard, sweaty routes – without the encumbrance of a rucksack. I envied it. Another example is my water bladder drinking tube. It is wonderfully lined with mould and so deters scrounging from my precious water supply. I think many people are jealous of it.

Be detailed (size, colour, flavour, make, model…). Include weblinks / stockists. Then your generous Santa can buy with a few clicks or walk into a shop, offer a piece of paper and say, ‘Have you got one of these?’. This will spare your fairy much embarrassment as they stumble through an unfamiliar environment for your sake. I mean, how relaxed do you feel in an embroidery shop, for example?

Be aware of what people want to buy for you. Don’t be fooled into thinking that people give you things because you want to receive them. They give you things because they want to give them. ‘You don’t really want one of those!’ is a hard one to argue with so just accept that people know what you want better than you do and think of something that both X would like to give you and that you would like to receive. Then pop it on your list.